Many thanks to Rob Cherry for sending me this gem:

The USB Electrical Muscle Stimulation Mouse

While I somehow feel that this device will be used more for its shock-delivering effects (read: accessory to online porn surfing), I feel inclined to comment on its applicability as a muscle-builder.

Ahem.

Simply put, it has none. In fact, one could arguably say, it has no applicability as a muscle stimulator of any significance. Based off of the TENS electrical stimulation units used in physical therapy, this gadget (and others like it) are marketed as a way to cause intense muscular contraction without volitional work being done - in essence, having a machine “work you out.” The shocks these machines deliver fall far short of the zapping capabilities of a TENS unit, and unlike the TENS, result in muscular contractions that can be called nothing more than mere twitches.

Last I checked, it requires a slightly more powerful stimulus than induced twitching to cause positive adaptation in muscle tissue, although it has been awhile since I was last in a physiology class.

A machine that could deliver the shock required to induce a muscular contraction intense and prolonged enough to cause a positive adaptation would be a retail disaster. Either no one would buy it because it was too painful to use, or the manufacturer would go bankrupt fending off lawsuits from people with ruptured muscles from turning the machine up too high too soon.

But, then again, things like this are why I love Japan.

Above: This man wishes to sell you a personal fitness system. And to date your hot sister.

You heard it first here - James Richard Christie, personal trainer, exercise guru, and former pro-soccer player will soon be releasing his personal fitness system to the public. Rumor has it that it requires nothing more than a small apparatus and enough space to move around in (about the space of a power rack). It’s helped his clients lose weight and get fit (in one client’s case, helping her achieve a weight loss of over 80 pounds!!) in 1-2 weekly one hour spurts.

James isn’t letting the cat out of the bag just yet. He released a different system years ago, but wasn’t really satisfied with the project, so he wants to delay this one’s release until it’s absolutely perfect. But if you like, you can TRY to persuade him to spill the beans by emailing him at James_Christie11@hotmail.com. Who knows, you might even like him enough to introduce him to your hot sister.

Ever since I got my CSCS, I’ve been much more tolerant of so-called “functional training”. Being a HIT/SS guy, I have to admit that there is utility in functional/sports-specific training, but the vast majority of it remains, in my eyes, a complete waste of time (I’ll touch upon this some more in later posts, since nothing’s better than a HIT guy ranting about how functional training sucks). There is definitely a time and place (and population) for it, however - particularly if you are dealing with an individual who is particularly robust and/or supremely conditioned.

This morning I read an article in one of New York’s free papers, Metro, reviewing a gym typical of this ilk. “Back to the Basics - Rocky Style” on page 15 entails the various training methodology of Cutting Edge Sports Sciences, a gym in Albany, NY. The bolded quote says it all: “If you just want to look good, this isn’t for you. We’re talking about functional strength.”(emphasis added)

Hoo boy.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m a sucker for a good strongman competition. I personally really enjoy farmer’s walks, sandbag tossing and carrying, and I’ve even been known to bench with the odd chain or two. But I am armed with the knowledge that these activities are simply hard work, and that they do not magically impart special abilities (other than brute strength) that will add to my jiu-jitsu game. Nor will they make me more “explosive”, any more than more conventional methods of resistance training and sports-specific drills will. They are, simply put, a diversion from the norm - tools to combat the tedium that is incrementally improving my attributes a little at a time.

“We’re pretty anti-machine here,” says the proprietor, Dyke Naughton. No problem - I mean, they were only invented to make one’s life easier. After all, you don’t need to use a washing machine to do your laundry; it’ll get just as clean if you hand-wash, just like the Eastern Bloc athletes used to do. And you’ll get a great pair of forearms to boot.

At least I know who to call if I need the tires on my monster truck rotated.

All kidding aside, there’s no great secrets to athletic performance and great health: get as strong as possible and condition your body as closely as you can in preparation for your activity. After all, many roads lead to enlightenment. Some are just a little more windy and circuitous than others (although that can be great fun, too).

I’d provide a link but the Metro website is so abysmally slow I’m afraid you would kill yourself waiting for the pdf file to download.

Above: Is this really what you want to see at 6:30 in the morning?

Yes, we personal trainers love our jobs!!!

We are so enthusiastic!!!

“One more rep ovah heah!”

I’ve already written a pretty extensive article on the rotator cuff (which can be found on my website, http://www.etfwellness.com/ ). However, I think the rotator cuff is one of those “rubber ducky” topics - you try to push it down, but it keeps bobbing back up to the surface. I like talking about the rotator cuff because I find it terribly funny that I inadvertantly move my arms into funky internally and externally rotated flexed positions every single time in order to illustrate what the muscles do (which is hold your arm in the socket, primarily). You would think I’d come up with a more imaginative (or less awkward) explanation.

An excellent picture that clearly illustrates the individual muscles of the rotator cuff and their attachment points can be found here: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/imagepages/19622.htm

Briefly, the rotator cuff is comprised of four muscles (Supraspinatous, Infraspinatous, Subscapularis, and Teres Minor) that hold the head of the humerus (upper arm bone) in the glenoid fossa of the scapula - in other words, the rotator cuff quite literally holds your shoulder together. The implications are simple: we must protect and fortify the rotator cuff at all costs if our upper body work is to proceed optimally.

The rotator cuff is largely considered an “accessory” muscle group, but should really be considered a “foundation” muscle group - after all, it forms the “base” from which your shoulder girdle transmits force from the powerful torso muscles through the arms - and should be worked as such.

Go on. You know you want to read more: “The Rotator Cuff and how to strengthen it”